no matter what this day may bring I will lift my hands and sing; be my everything.

So obviously everybody knows that my family has been going through some hardships lately. Everett was airlifted from Steel Night(which for you non-military people it's basically just training for deployments & such.) last monday for heat exhaustion and they assumed he was having a seizure. They weren't really sure what was going on and I wasn't there obviously so I don't know what happened exactly. But I was at my bible study on monday night like usual and I looked at my phone to have a million missed calls and texts and the first text I read was I'm in the hospital-call me. and I was like, oh my word. My first reaction was to get Rylan in the car and drive straight to base which I assumed he was there but I called Everett back and no answer so I called this unknown number back and it was a nurse up at Desert Regional( which is actually the hospital where they sent me for preterm labor back in July) saying that Everett was airlifted there and they weren't sure the reasons. SOO, I started freaking out obviously. And Kelly was holding Rylan and offered to take me and got a prayer group going which was awesome! And then Julie asked if it would be okay for her to come also! But she ended up driving Rylan & I there which I'm so blessed because I couldn't even think straight. So as we're driving there I get a call from Sarah & Chris (which he is in the same unit as Everett.) saying he passed out from the heat but that's all he knew and he was stable so I was like okay, THank God! So we still rushed down there. But when I walked in the room I'm expecting him to be just tired and out of it and just hanging out getting ready to get discharged. But no, he was hooked up to all sorts of monitors and wasn't really even coherent. I just sat down quietly then the nurse walked in said, Everett you're baby boy is here can you see him? and he looked over and I swore seeing him open his eyes was like God's gift at the time. I brought Rylan over so he could see his daddy :) so Ev & I tried having a conversation but he was too out of it to really even talk. So I just let him rest, then out of nowhere he starts having a seizure. My instinct is to start screaming for help, I didn't know what to do. I called the nurse in and was like help him, help him and is basically all I could say before I broke down into full tears..dang it now I'm crying again as I'm typing this. haha But anyways, I couldn't control myself then Rylan got upset so I'm trying to soothe him while I couldn't even calm myself down. So then he got calmed down so I sat back down and just held his hand. I went to check on Julie and let her know I was spending the night at the hospital because he was getting admitted whenever a room was available but only to find out that a nurse told me, I could not stay at the hospital and Rylan was not even allowed to go back to his room. So I start crying then Julie and I figure everything out and Courtney came and stayed me in the hotel room that Lezah got us, which I'm so blessed for. I went back in to tell Everett know and kiss him goodbye, of course I cried. Then we left and I didn't get any sleep but I got a text from Everett that said I love you too and honestly I could have cried of happiness seeing a text from him made me realize he is coherent enough now to be able to text better and he is more alert. Anyways, I prayed as hard as I could. All I could think of as horrible as this sounds was loosing my soon to be husband and my son's father. I was so scared and I never felt so alone because usually Everett is the one who calms me down and he is my support. I had alll the support from all my amazing friends but I felt alone still because my other half wasn't the one soothing me. I couldn't believe that just this afternoon I saw him smiling and happy but when I left the hospital he could barely see me. All I wanted was to be held by him, for him to tell me it's okay and say hey, cheer up I'll be out of here in no time.But the next morning he told me to go back to our house to get stuff for Rylan and I so right then I knew he was okay. I was driving back, the long hour drive. I was listening to this Christian mix cd and something came over me, I felt a huge relief I felt warmness, no not the hot desert heat lol but like God's love around me. Right then, I knew I was getting my prayers answered that Everett would be okay- no need to worry. I knew he was being taken care of and that I could go home and try and get some rest for Rylan's sake. I knew that God wouldn't let that happen to us. As crazy as this sounds, it was like Him showing me that Hey, you need to appreciate your relationship more. You need to let go of the past, you need to move on with me in your heart and that's it. If you can feel my love, your love for Everett will be unbreakable. And that's exactly how I feel now. I try to cherish everyday, I try to live as happy as possible. I try to see the better in things. I tell Everett I love you every chance I get. It makes me want to spread the word of God so much more. He made me who I am, who you are and what we all will be. He showed me that you don't get the time back, you shouldn't wish through everyday. Everyone has all these count downs which duh, we all can't wait for things. But we should really just cherish that second we have, that moment in time. I think we should be truly thankful we live such an amazing life, as crazy as it is sometimes and when you think you will never get through it, you will. As long as you have God in your heart, you have everything. Someone out there has it just as bad, if not worse then you. There is someone who just begging for what you have and some people just take it for granite and let me tell you, I was one of the people. But now, I live in God's name. I live for Everett, my son and my family. Never take anyone for granite and it's crazy that it can take hitting rock bottom where you feel like you could loose someone before you realize how strong your love for them is. I don't even want to be without Everett, he is my perfect soulmate.What I'm trying to get at is, love with all your heart and believe that God has a plan for you. Let him guide you in your life, he has it under control. Let go of your worries and fears you are so well taken care of whether you believe in Him or not. Life is too short to just wish it all away, love with all your heart and believe in the Lord it will give you so much happiness in life. :]

check out the song that got me through Everett being in the hospital.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKoOeChXE0Q

6 weeks

Oh my word, I can't believe Rylan is growing up so fast! People say time flies and it reallllly does. But anyways, Rylan is wearing some 3 months stuff and that just blows my mind. He was a month EARLY and he is not even 2 months and wearing big boy stuff :] I'm so proud of him. He is so healthy! He tries to lift his head back to look at you and if he sees your hand he tries to reach for it even though he misses terribly it's still so amazing to see him try. He has been even more cuddly lately and wants to nurse allll the time. I think he is going through a growth spurt. The past couple of nights he has been only waking up 2-3 times a night which has been fabulous. Except, the other morning he though 5 am was a good time to wake up for like 2 hours. Ummm no thanks hahah. He smiles a little bit more now :] Finally, someone else noticed his blue eyes without me saying it. I was so excited to hear it! But nothing else has really happened with the past week, besides him growing growing growing!

5 weeks old

My sweet little baby is 5 weeks old! :( I can't believe how fast time flies. He is completley grown out of newborn diapers the hospital gave me some when we were there for everett and the about snapped off of him! haha. He is now wearing size 1-2 :) and he is wearing 0-3 months clothes. Some of it is still a little big but for the most part fit him pretty good! His newborn onesies are a little snug now. I seriously can't believe how big he is! He is 10 pounds 2.6 oz, he is in the 34 percentile for weight! He is fighting a cold right now, he has a little mucus but that's about it. They gave us saline for his nose to help him breath better. He loves going for car rides if he is fussy and then we have to go somewhere he passes out as soon as we get him in the car. He also LOVESS music, if music is playing it soothes him but as soon as it turns off he gets mad usually especially on his swing or little vibrating chair. I guess he is taking after his mama with that one. He has been sleeping pretty good through out the night, some nights still every 1-2 hours but others 2-3 and eating a lot more. He is probably about 3 oz now but lately I have been mainly breastfeeding cause I haven't had the time to be a mini cow and pump lol. He loves cuddling and I love it too :)

Time Flies

Wow. I cannot believe my sweet baby is already a month old! I want to just stop time and savor every moment possible but obviously I can't do that so I'm just living in the moments. I looooove being a mommy! It's like the best thing that I could ever even imagine! He is getting so big! Every else think's he is so precious and tiny which duh he is precious but he is so big to us! He is growing growing growing and I want him to stop and just be my little snuggle buggy for forever! He is staying awake for about 2-3 hours at a time sometimes usually from 7am till whenever then at night before bed he stays up a good amount of time. He can follow our faces now which is so amazing! He is eating around the clock 24/7 which is hard to keep up with! But it's so worth it to continue to breastfeed. Sarah gave me this tea which I tried tonight so hopefully it works! :] Hmmm let's see..he is also fitting into size 1 diapers now instead of newborns! And, newborn shirts are too small on him but the pants/shorts still fit him. Some of the NB onesies are getting a little snug on him too and he is wearing size 3 months in carters and those look like they are starting to get a little snug too! His hair is still turning light so we will see what color he has ;) and his eyes are still pretty dark so I wouldn't be surprised if they turned brown. He still likes his swing! But would rather be snuggled with mama or daddy! And I can't really think of anything else! He has a new friend, Caleb! :] Can't wait till he can actually play wait yes I can because then he will be big and I DO NOT WANT TO GROW UP hahah. But I'll update more later about us :] Thanks for reading!

Lately!

The past two weeks have been busy busy busy! Of course taking care of Rylan has been our main priority but we have had company since the week he was born. The first week was my my parents! :) My dad & Joanie drove from Michigan stopping a few places on the way and stayed with us from saturday-saturday. We were so busy but had a lot of fun and it was great for Rylan to meet them! We went to Palm springs twice, Big Bear & out to eat in Yucca at the 62 diner! Then the 2 days we didn't go out of town we had doctors appointments. First one was Rylan's week check up which I already updated about and the second was his circumcision which he has fully recovered from. Then we had my post partum check up that took all of 15 minutes and I have another one coming up here soon. We also went to Joshua Tree National park and went and checked out the dam and got frozen yogurt after, so yummy. Then last Friday is when Lezah got here :) Everett was real excited to introduce his son to his mama! But that sunday Everett had to go to the field till Wednesday which was horrible because he was sick, poor guy. But he missed his baby boy terribly! But Lezah & I just relaxed and she helped out so so so so much which was great. And today, we went to church as a family to Joshua Springs in Yucca Valley and I finally feel like God has sent us to the right direction. I'm really looking forward to growing as a Christian family at this church. Tomorrow I plan on attending the Womens Bible Study and I cannot wait to meet other girls and go with Sarah! Which who I am so blessed to finally have met her and husband! Life has been treating us so well lately and I can't wait to see what else it has to offer. I can't believe my baby boy will be 3 weeks old tomorrow, he is growing up way too fast :( I have a WIC apt so I should be seeing how much he weighs so I'll update then. He has been so much more full of energy lately! Right now he is swinging in his swing checking everything completely bug eyed! He has been eating a lot more and wanting to be awake more which I am so glad to see his little eyes. His hair is getting even more light with a tint of red which I don't know where that's coming from hah. But that's all I can think of right now :) We're waiting on Grandma & Grandpa Dutton to get here and we can't wait to see them at all! :D But the bad news of the post; Everett has to go to the field at the end of this month for almost a month! Let's just say we're going to miss him so soso much!

The photo above is Rylan passed out after Church! I love his little polo :)

One week old!

My baby is already a week old today! :( I can't believe how fast time has gone since he has been here but it has been amazing. I love being a mommy! But he is doing awesome! Today he had his one week check up and he is 6 pounds 15 oz and 19 1/2 inches! He is growing like a weed and the doctor said it's like I have miracle grow as breast milk hahah! He said we're doing a perfect job whatever we're doing so that made me feel good. We're waiting to figure out when he can be circumcised because they didn't do it at Hi Desert because "we didn't make arrangements prior." but hopefully it will be within the next week because they won't do it after next week until he is 6 months old due to more risks for infections and stuff. But I want to do it as soon as possible so it's the least painful it can be. My poor guy :( But anyways, the doctor said he looks absolutely perfect and healthy! He doesn't go back till his 2 month check up besides his circumcision. Other then that, he is doing great with breastfeeding and latching on and taking bottles so I'm proud of him! He has been having a little troubles with thinking night is day but we will get that switched around. He's eating more and being a lot more alert so I love the times he is cuddly and when he is eyes wide open checking everything out! But he is loving having his papa & grandma joanie here too! and so are Everett & I. Tomorrow we're going to Big Bear so hopefully Rylan will do good on the drive there and like being by green instead of desert haha! But that's all! :] I'll update later this week! Oh and today I noticed his little eye lashes he is so precious I love my perfect family. Ps. the picture was of Rylan at his doctor today!

As long as I'm living my baby you'll be

August 23rd, 2010 at 10:55 God blessed me with the greatest gift of all time; becoming a mother! It will forever be the best day of my life. And here is the the whole story of how I gave birth to the most precious baby in the world! On saturday, I lost my mucus plug(which I blame the old lady who checked my cervix on friday!) and I was like hmm so I read up about it and saw it was no big deal you can loose your mucus plug up to weeks before you actually give birth but if they're is bloody show you will probably deliver within 72 hours. So, I just let it go. The next morning I lost more of it and I started spotting so I was like hmm! I think this may be it but who knows. Then my contractions got out of control where it hurt to even walk but I had a doctor appointment the next day so I was doing my best to hold it off we counted the contractions and some were pretty close like 3-5 but others were spaced out. Everett insisted that we went to the hospital but I said no unless I can't talk/walk/tolerate the pain we don't need to go. So I was laying in bed watching army wives and I decided I should probably go to bed so I went to lay down and my contractions got so bad I broke down and started bawling my eyes out. I tried to just let it pass and would get up to go to the bathroom and seriously had to like tip toe so the pain wouldn't get even worse well that woke up Everett and he is like we are going to the hospital! So, my neighbor Brandy was like !!! I am driving you to the hospital since her biggest goal in life is to drive a pregnant lady to the the hospital. haha. So about 12:30 am we went and I kept getting really bad contractions the whole way to Joshua Tree which is about 15 minutes away. Then we got there and the lady was all taking her sweet time getting me checked in and being like soo what are you here for? Um, I'm about to have a baby that's why I'm here! hah. But I got put in the wheel chair and brought back to Labor & Delivery got brought into the triage room and put on the monitor they didn't really say how close my contractions were but then they checked my cervix and I was 4cm and 80% effaced so they called Dr. Kasko and he said to admit me. So they brought me into the delivery room and got me all set up and took blood and said once I got the blood work back then they would give me my epidural. That's where it really set in that I was going to have my son soon! So I think by 2am they came in and was like your blood work came back fine, time for you epidural! So the lady came in and I was super scared but it really didn't hurt to awful bad but within 10 minutes I went from in tons of pain to happy! :] so then after I got my epidural in and cathader they checked my cervix again and I was a 6cm and 90% effaced! so basically it was just the waiting game after that. But then Rylan's heart beat started to go down and same with mine a little bit after they gave me the epidural. They had to put an oxygen mask on me and have me lay on my left side until I was ready to push because that was the only position that kept our heartbeats up. They came back in probably around 6am and told me I was 9cm and 100% effaced so they would either wait till my water broke or I hit 10 and would break my water for me. Dr. Kasko came in around 7 or so and told me I was 10 cm and he broke my water for me and had me start doing the pushing exercises to get him lowered and waited for my epidural to wear off more which obviously wasn't fun. I pushed for 2 hours to just get him past my pelvic bone which was insanely painful. I remember going in and out of what was going on. They were putting me in different positions trying to help Rylan come but nothing was really working finally Rylan decided to start cooperating with us! They said they would call Kasko in once his head was visible. Liz(my favorite nurse) and Carmelette(the main nurse) were the ones who were making sure everything was okay then they said to get Kasko there. So I was like yay! about time I will be done with the pain and meeting my beautiful son which I couldn't even believe that was going to happen. Then all of sudden they said we got a respiratory! Get the ER & respiratory team up here now! and was shouting about where Kasko was. I was like don't tell me what's going on because I'll freak out. So they didn't but all I knew was that probably meant he was going to be taken straight from me and transferred to palm springs for the Nicu. But then of course Kasko was taking his sweet time and Carmellete said if Kasko didn't get there she was going to deliver my baby. Finalllly! He came flying in and came over and within 10 minutes I had Rylan! They put him straight on my chest and all I could say is, this is my baby..my baby boy and I kept repeating it over and over. Then they said he wasn't crying so they had to take him. And as soon as he was born I remember looking at Everett and he was crying. The most beautiful thing I've ever seen. But after that, I had to get stitches and all of that then finally I got my baby boy back in my arms :] He was the most perfect thing I've ever seen in my entire life. I still can't believe how perfect he is and how much I love being a mother. I will never regret being pregnant or anything like that. He was worth all the pain uncomfortable-ness and weight gain. He made my life coming into this world and I can't wait to raise him! I was pretty lucky though to be in the hospital and have him within 10ish hours of being there and push for 4 hours and released from the hospital 24 hours after I had him especially with him being only 36 weeks and 3 days he came out perfectly healthy at 6 pounds and 7 oz and is 18 3/4 inches long they said if he would have waited a week or two he would have been 8 or 9 pounds :] I love him so very much and I can't wait to share him with my family. My dad & Joanie will be here tomorrow and Everett's mom will be here on the 4th and I am so excited! :D But if you read all this thank you for reading about the best possible day of my life <3