Tuesday, October 5, 2010

no matter what this day may bring I will lift my hands and sing; be my everything.

So obviously everybody knows that my family has been going through some hardships lately. Everett was airlifted from Steel Night(which for you non-military people it's basically just training for deployments & such.) last monday for heat exhaustion and they assumed he was having a seizure. They weren't really sure what was going on and I wasn't there obviously so I don't know what happened exactly. But I was at my bible study on monday night like usual and I looked at my phone to have a million missed calls and texts and the first text I read was I'm in the hospital-call me. and I was like, oh my word. My first reaction was to get Rylan in the car and drive straight to base which I assumed he was there but I called Everett back and no answer so I called this unknown number back and it was a nurse up at Desert Regional( which is actually the hospital where they sent me for preterm labor back in July) saying that Everett was airlifted there and they weren't sure the reasons. SOO, I started freaking out obviously. And Kelly was holding Rylan and offered to take me and got a prayer group going which was awesome! And then Julie asked if it would be okay for her to come also! But she ended up driving Rylan & I there which I'm so blessed because I couldn't even think straight. So as we're driving there I get a call from Sarah & Chris (which he is in the same unit as Everett.) saying he passed out from the heat but that's all he knew and he was stable so I was like okay, THank God! So we still rushed down there. But when I walked in the room I'm expecting him to be just tired and out of it and just hanging out getting ready to get discharged. But no, he was hooked up to all sorts of monitors and wasn't really even coherent. I just sat down quietly then the nurse walked in said, Everett you're baby boy is here can you see him? and he looked over and I swore seeing him open his eyes was like God's gift at the time. I brought Rylan over so he could see his daddy :) so Ev & I tried having a conversation but he was too out of it to really even talk. So I just let him rest, then out of nowhere he starts having a seizure. My instinct is to start screaming for help, I didn't know what to do. I called the nurse in and was like help him, help him and is basically all I could say before I broke down into full tears..dang it now I'm crying again as I'm typing this. haha But anyways, I couldn't control myself then Rylan got upset so I'm trying to soothe him while I couldn't even calm myself down. So then he got calmed down so I sat back down and just held his hand. I went to check on Julie and let her know I was spending the night at the hospital because he was getting admitted whenever a room was available but only to find out that a nurse told me, I could not stay at the hospital and Rylan was not even allowed to go back to his room. So I start crying then Julie and I figure everything out and Courtney came and stayed me in the hotel room that Lezah got us, which I'm so blessed for. I went back in to tell Everett know and kiss him goodbye, of course I cried. Then we left and I didn't get any sleep but I got a text from Everett that said I love you too and honestly I could have cried of happiness seeing a text from him made me realize he is coherent enough now to be able to text better and he is more alert. Anyways, I prayed as hard as I could. All I could think of as horrible as this sounds was loosing my soon to be husband and my son's father. I was so scared and I never felt so alone because usually Everett is the one who calms me down and he is my support. I had alll the support from all my amazing friends but I felt alone still because my other half wasn't the one soothing me. I couldn't believe that just this afternoon I saw him smiling and happy but when I left the hospital he could barely see me. All I wanted was to be held by him, for him to tell me it's okay and say hey, cheer up I'll be out of here in no time.But the next morning he told me to go back to our house to get stuff for Rylan and I so right then I knew he was okay. I was driving back, the long hour drive. I was listening to this Christian mix cd and something came over me, I felt a huge relief I felt warmness, no not the hot desert heat lol but like God's love around me. Right then, I knew I was getting my prayers answered that Everett would be okay- no need to worry. I knew he was being taken care of and that I could go home and try and get some rest for Rylan's sake. I knew that God wouldn't let that happen to us. As crazy as this sounds, it was like Him showing me that Hey, you need to appreciate your relationship more. You need to let go of the past, you need to move on with me in your heart and that's it. If you can feel my love, your love for Everett will be unbreakable. And that's exactly how I feel now. I try to cherish everyday, I try to live as happy as possible. I try to see the better in things. I tell Everett I love you every chance I get. It makes me want to spread the word of God so much more. He made me who I am, who you are and what we all will be. He showed me that you don't get the time back, you shouldn't wish through everyday. Everyone has all these count downs which duh, we all can't wait for things. But we should really just cherish that second we have, that moment in time. I think we should be truly thankful we live such an amazing life, as crazy as it is sometimes and when you think you will never get through it, you will. As long as you have God in your heart, you have everything. Someone out there has it just as bad, if not worse then you. There is someone who just begging for what you have and some people just take it for granite and let me tell you, I was one of the people. But now, I live in God's name. I live for Everett, my son and my family. Never take anyone for granite and it's crazy that it can take hitting rock bottom where you feel like you could loose someone before you realize how strong your love for them is. I don't even want to be without Everett, he is my perfect soulmate.What I'm trying to get at is, love with all your heart and believe that God has a plan for you. Let him guide you in your life, he has it under control. Let go of your worries and fears you are so well taken care of whether you believe in Him or not. Life is too short to just wish it all away, love with all your heart and believe in the Lord it will give you so much happiness in life. :]

check out the song that got me through Everett being in the hospital.


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